Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Okay! I'm in such a good mood today, but sad thing is that I'm having a slight fever. Oh wells. nothing much actually. So! I rushed home after school to get myself changed. Then, took the MRT from Woodlands to meet Ridaudin and Mas in Sembawang. But heck, they were late! And I was worried that I'll be late to get my IC in the ICA building too! I'm supposed to get my ass there by 1630 hrs! Oh gosh! What should I do?! I kept myself silent the whole journey, worrying about being late. Sorry guys!
So, as we reached City Hall, we waited for the East-West Line train to arrive. I was tapping my feet!
"Ishk! Lekas lah! Lekas lah!" As it stopped by, the door opened and passengers went in, lots of 'em! And hoping that I could throw shits onto their faces, because they don't even bother to move to the centre of the cabin! Urgh! Rid and Mas then said that I should move on inside alone. They'll meet me in Lavender by the next train. Oh well, I'm on my own.
Lavender! I rushed out right after the door opened. No escalators! I used stairs! Whooshed here and there. Kelam-kabut sia! Lintang-pukang aku lari! As I reached in the ICA building, there were lots of people there. The building's not closed yet?! Argh!!! Buat penat je aku lari tau! Musibat nyer ICA! Heck it! I went to one of the counters and retrieved my found IC. Yipee! It's mine! Muah muah muah!
So, as Rid and Mas came, we walked around Bugis and Back to City Hall, when we sat around Esplanade. Oh beautiful!
Unfortunately, I became sick as I reached home. 37.5'C. Well, what can I say? It's just my luck! Great thing was, I went nuts - which is one of the reasons I'm so goody-moody right now. And yeah! Bestie really made my day! I kept smiling as I chatted with her through MSN. Awesome isn't it? Erm, another things is, my mom topped her prepaid card and needed her phone back. So, this would be the last moment I'm using it. Of course, I made full use of it by texting Bestie just now. I could still feel the warmth of her sweetness! Aww!
Well, she got tired and wanted to sleep. To be more
"SWEET", I called her up. Hehe! Hey, she sounded so happy! And not to mention that she really missed me so much, she's gonna miss me again real soon. Gosh, I'm so sorry, Sweetie. It's gotta be so hard for us to contact these days. That's the reason Why I love talking about you in my posts! And hey, I've got something for you too.
To my beloved bestfriend and love, this is for you :It's hard to believe that I couldn't see,
but you were always right beside me.
Thought I was alone with no one to hold,
but you were always right beside me.
This feeling's like no other.
I want you to know,
that I've never had someone who knows me like you do,
the way you do.
And I've never had someone who's good for me as you,
no one like you.
So lonely before,
I've finally found ..
what I've been looking for.
And that'll be you, Sweetie!
Labels : Loving and missing you and your sweetness.
9:55 PM
Rock On!
Monday, July 30, 2007
Bleargh! Today was such an awful day for me. Why were ther lots of bad-lucks happening here and there? It happens to me and my surroundings. I don't get it.1) Well, first of all I did my english homework during Mother Tongue class cause we no longer need to study malay anymore. Whee! Yeah, I planned to start my weekend english homework which was the summary part. 160 words, it's done. So, I layed my head on the table and dozed off. Next period was english, and got to know that english has got another homework. That was a narrative writing! Holy shit! Why wasn't I informed?! Oh well, I'll just hand it up tommorrow.2) So, chemistry was nothing. Then we had recess, whereby Muhaimin treated me on foods. I asked for a plate of Fun Choy, but he ordered for me Low Mai Kai. Haha! Where has his mind gone to? Well, it's okay. Thanks alot bro! Squrirted the chilli sauce onto it and went to our usual benches to gobble it up. Damn, I cried my tears out! Too much chilli! Pedas! Pedas! XP3) Well, after recess was physics. We all headed to the lab for it. On the way there, Usop grabbed my neck hard with his arms. For what - I know not. I yelled out, "Argh! Teacher! Gay! Gay! Gargh!!" Then he released me, and pulled my hair at the back. God dammit! What on earth is wrong with you?! You're a bastard who's lucky enough that I didn't kicked those tiny balls of yours! Sheesh!4) In the physics lab, something really turned down my day and I'm so, so grateful that I didn't turned rebelious. I was clearing up the bench - wiping the benchtop and keeping all the apparatus. But then Miss Low shouted "STOP PLAYING WITH THE APPARATUS!" So, of course I still store those stuffs in the basket while Alfian stoned there holing the thermometer. But Miss Low suddenly were like "Alfian and Khairulddin, one of you stand at the corners at the back!" Hah?! Sial lah! Tak bersalah sia! Me and Alfian looked at each other.And then I said "Cher! I was keeping...""Stand at the back!!"Feeling really pissed off, I grabbed my paper and pen, and did as she said. What's more? Our name were written down in the class journal, and we're banned from using the lab next week. Wow, it's so fair isn't it? I suffered for being innocent. Just you wait till the truth reveal in your face. Just you wait.5) Well, got another scolding from Mrs Goh about my performance in Maths. Haish. I don't wanna talk about it.6) After school, I headed to the toilet to wash up my oily face. Unfortunately, the floor is wet. You guess. I slipped on the floor and fell like one BUDAK GEMOK with a loud "GEDEGUUNGG!" Yeah, ouch. I landed on my arm for god sake! And I'm that lucky bastard who didn't broke his arm. Alhamdulillah.7) Aidillah lost her school bag. And none of us knew who the hell took it away. Tell me, what would a school bag do good to someone who stole it? Education? That's so foolish of you! You suck - BIG TIME!8) Last of all, I had a really huge headache. I don't know how or why, but it really hurt me much. And it's just enough to knock me out. Ouch!So, there you go. 8 issues I've faced today. This isn't Friday 13th, right? But why are things happening today? Once again, I just don't get it.Labels : Does anybody want a peanut?
8:50 PM
Rock On!
Hey guys! Well, I'm not gonna close down this blog. Someone's in love with it. Haha! Well, to that someone, thankieu so much for the sweet love yesterday. It's so beautiful! Erm, I'm rushing to school now. *Whoosh!Labels : Love has always been beautiful
7:00 AM
Rock On!
Sunday, July 29, 2007
I don't wanna talk about it anymore. The more I speak, the more she'll get broken. I've made up my mind. To you all, fellow readers of my blog, adore this site all you can. Spit my tagboard with vulgarities or whatsoever, as you wish. I'm closing this site by tommorrow. Thank you.Labels : I'm in trouble. Okays?
2:42 PM
Rock On!
Haish, would you just look at that? She simply said that I should just forget about her. There's a huge hole in my heart right now. I just can't believe this is happening. If I wouldn't have asked about her feelings towards me, none of this would've happened. But then again, I've waited for her for a long time, and this is what I get. She doesn't seem to realise how much sacrifice I've done for her. Or wouldn't even care? When I'm with you, you always said, "I never wanna let you go", or things about you saying to me not to leave you. Now we're apart, you said, "I want you to know that those promises is still kept in my heart. I never will stop loving you. We just need to be seperated for the time being; and i just hope you'll still have the same feeling as you do the first time you meet me, when its the time for us to get back together." And so, I waited. But where were those promises now? You can live your life happily without me, don't you? That's why you said you have feelings for Zico, and kindda went on a relationship with him? Even for just a day? And you broke his heart, that's simply because - You didn't tell him earlier. He's pissed off with that. And THAT goes the same to me! You wanted me to wait for you. And for about a month, you said that you don't want me to wait for you?! I'm MORE hurt than Zico, do you know that? Do you even care?As far as I can remember, I've never ditched you. I've never even cheated you. But why are you doing this to me? Are you deeply in love with another guy, and made me believe that you're having phobia in love? Haish, I don't know if I should say more. You wouldn't even care, right? I've respected your decisions and understood your situation. But I think I've been taken advantage with. For your info (IF you'd really care!), all those posts have always been refering to you, no one else. Cause why? I NEVER wanna hurt you again. But why do I even bother to post them up? Just to make you realise what my heart felt. But you didn't even realise, which was foolish of me to post those up.You said that you wanted to see me happy? Can you ask yourself first? How could I possibly be HAPPY without loving you? I'm confident that you know me too well. And I know that you know how serious I am with this "Love" thing. I've never played around with it. You realise that, don't you? We were bestfriends after we broke up. But I still can't accept the fate. I just CAN'T! That's the reason why I always waited for your messages, and waiting for the moments to call you up. That's because I care. No less.Haish. I remembered the time before we're together. I said to you that I'm never gonna have any relationship after breaking up with Ika. But you changed my mind. The closer I was to you, the more I fell in love with you. We finally went on a relationship, and how lucky I was that god gave me someone who gave me SUCH AMOUNT of love. It's unspeakable. I don't even wanna go to sleep after hearing your voice on the phone. It's such a beautiful love. We went to places I've never brought a girl with me before. And it's so romantic. The weather had been so kind to us to offer us such peaceful atmosphere. Beautiful music were there too. I can't forget all those.There's more. Alot more! But, she's gone. Where am I gonna keep all these memories? My heart is no longer with me. It's broken.Is love at first sight even true?I've waited for quite a long time now. And you don't seem to care. It's like, I feel in love with nothing? "Syiok sendiri"? Pfft.Now, I'm wondering. Why did the both of us broke up? Is it about your parents? Or is this love just ... dead? I just wanna let you know. You can forget me in just a snap. That easy, that simple, that quick. But I'm never gonna forget you. And I'm never gonna stop loving you. That'll be such a waste. And if you're too annoyed by that, you're gonna have to KILL me to stop loving you.I dare you to try.Labels : So much for "Till death do us apart."
11:43 AM
Rock On!
Saturday, July 28, 2007
I'm too lazy to write about my day just now. Maybe I'll just post it up tommorrow. Well, I came home feeling tired and really, really down. I just need a new life, for goodness sake. I'm tired with all these - what's happening to the world, to me, my friends, love ones, whatever. My broken heart never got mended back since the day I broke up with her, and it just got even worser than painful. I cried every night, trying too keep my eyes closed just to keep myself asleep. Even if I'm asleep, I'll just got awake in a few hours time. It's really tiring you know? And again, I'll have to cry myself to sleep everytime, even till now. Haish. I don't know when would I end all this suffering. I don't even know how. They say that I should just forget about it. I'm sorry, but I simply can't. I never would. Cause I'm not ready for that. Some even say that I need a new person to make me forget all those and mend my powdered-heart. But apparently, I'm not ready for that either. So, how? I've got nowhere to turn. I've devoted myself with this "Love" thinging too much that I've suffered to this extent. I'm not regret, but I just can't believe that it's happening to me. What are the ways of fixing my heart back altogether? They're just powder now. They'll blow off even when you grip 'em in your hand. I need ... haish. I've got alot of things to say, alot of things to wonder, and alot of things to know in my heart. But I'm just afraid if I'd hurt another heart. =\Well, I just got to know that someone had a crush on a guy. And that guy's a friend of her own sibling. That's lucky for him though. I'd wish you good luck on that okays?Labels : I guess my heart is being played around with? Maybe? I'm prepared for more.
11:00 PM
Rock On!
Friday, July 27, 2007
Happy 17th birthday to Fadlin Cupak! Huhuhu! I could say that we had the best moshing moments ever! So straight away after the last period, Fadlin was brought to the staircase by the whole class. From distance away I could hear people singing a birthday song! So I rushed to them and joined in. "Happy birthday to Fadlin! Happy birthday to you!" and we started smacking him with our PE shirts, and they're wet! Eeew! Okay, we had enough. All of us slowly walked down the staircase together. But when we reached the 2nd floor, we suddenly were like, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!" and bashed Fadlin up! Kesian sak! Then there was silent. Aper lagi?! I went in and started moshing! I stopped for while and tried to get out of the pit. But there's one bugger pulling my bag and pulled me into the pit again! So how? I went in again and moshed! Wargh!! Funfun! Damn, I love you guys, 5A2! Laughters here and there.Moreover, we had PE in the 2nd period and we played Captain's Ball! Lame game, but we made it fun. Song Ern was the captain of the other team and was like so hyperactive. Every score, he'll cried out "SPARTAN'S!" which was the group name, and his members went "HOOOO!!!" Ahahaha! And what the hell?! they kept scoring the ball, and kept cheering! So envious! So, yeah. We had great fun today!Alhamdulillah! I just got a letter from the ICA that my IC has been found! Hooray! So, I've gotta get my ass there within 14 days or my card would just be disposed off. Ouch! Well, anyone wanna tag along? Know me or not, you're most welcome! Huahaha!
Anyways, me, Rid and Muna are gonna watch The Simpsons Movie tommorrow in GVMax Vivocity! Huraah! It's gonna be a blast! Yeay! Muna booked the tickets for us cause it's sure gonna be alot of buttheads there. So, we'd better book in seats before they run out, right? Whee! Oh Saturday, please come! I just can't wait to see Homer Simpson!
"Piggy-Man! Piggy-Man!"
Well, I'm kindda missing someone alot right now. I wonder how she's doing. I kept praying for her well-being. I know that her heart's just being broken again. To that someone, please take care of yourself okies? I love you! =)Labels : I've never believed in hate. So I'll never hate you.
9:44 PM
Rock On!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
I don't even dare to follow the cold shiver running down my spine. I'm having a huge fear right now. I simply don't know what's gonna happen to my life as how Muna has spoken. She said that bad things are gonna happend to me and my friends. That was what her feelings had struck her. Rid said that whatever her feelings were, they have always been true. I'm trying my will of not to believe, but only to take the words of concern from her as a bestfriend. She told us to take care of ourselves. "I don't know who's the bad omen going out to. So just take care okies?" That was what she said. Oh gawd, I need clues! She sounded so serious in sending that message. I don't know. Okay, I need help here. I hope I don't have to say this, but just for the info to you - readers of this blog, I AM in deep trouble.Anyways, I wont be having my phone anymore. I think it's time to give it away. *Cries!Lables : Bestie, where are you?!
10:35 PM
Rock On!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Wow. Today was such a tragedy for me. Hell yeah! Am I in a drama or what? Guess what happened! During recess, my friends were there eating on the tables and I sat there, staring at them. Macam ngah puasa lah kans? I'm god-damned hungry, but I really have no appetite to eat, for more than just a few days! Well, I stared, stared, stared and stared at them eating. Mak aish! Sedapnyer! But then, the smell. Urgh! I took my Gatsby moving rubber bottle and went to the toilet, as if I'm gonna do my hair like always. But I rushed into the toilet and in the cubicle. My throat gave me problems, and so does my tummy. And ... Holy shit. I coughed out blood. Damn, it's the first time that happened in my life! My tummy cramped and hurts real bad. It felt like my intestines were being squeezed or something. So I washed up, did my hair abit (or more, like always) and went back to my friends and acted normal. So it was all okay till the end of the day.After school, I headed straight to D&T lesson. My tummy hurts me again, even worse. So I was sent to the general office for some treatments or something. Okay, I was yelling. And passer-bys (who were just fellow students) stared at what's going on. Damn, it's embarrassing! It's killing me okay?! *Fast-forward* I applied some ointments on my tummy. "Mak kau! Sejuknyer!" But after moments later, I was like, "Argh!! Panas!! Panas!!" Something like that. What kind of ointment was that?! Is that TIGER BALM or something?!It almost burnt me to death! So a friend of mine tossed me a bottle of Green Tea and I drank up. Whew! Lega sikit!Gosh, I totally forgot about my phone! Took it out from my pocket and saw about 3 new messages from Bestie. Oh shits! I'm so sorry, Darling! So I tried replying her back, but she called me first. Yeay! I smiled happily, but still weak. So, she asked about my condition, and I said I'm feeling okay. Well, yeah. I was worried about her yesterday, but she was even MORE worried about me just now. That's so sweet of you, Bestie! =)Labels : I'm still having no appetite to eat.
8:56 PM
Rock On!
Monday, July 23, 2007
Oh gawd. It's been a long time since I had any foods in my tummy. I'm getting skinny! I'm so, so hungry, but have no will to eat at all. I worry too much about my heart than my stomach. Neh, forget about food.Well, Bestie didn't texted me tonight. I wonder what happened. Damn, I didn't do any of my homeworks just to wait for her texts. I guess I'm sleeping late today.Anyways, I ain't feeling well lately. Drowzyness and nauseous evolve around me. I almost fell to the ground while on the way home. How sweet! I guess I'm not even bothered about myself enough, or not at all. I don't know. I just need someone to mend my broken heart. I am suffering in silence for days and weeks. And no one bother. It's okay, I'm not asking for any. I don't mind living in my own life. Just let me die, slowly. Okays? Maybe it's so much better to leave this world that to suffer isn't it? I don't know how much longer could I bear with this pain. Words kept entering my ears telling me to stay strong. But what's the use? I'm never being appreciated and I'm taken advantage with. I'm just a toy, as a matter of fact. With an uneasy soul? So I guess that excuse would be okay to treat me like there's no feelings involved. Haha! I'll just ... Haish. I need someone to talk to, for goodness sake.Labels : Zico's friendster background is so sweet! Aww! =)
10:53 PM
Rock On!
Sunday, July 22, 2007
I think I'll write this post abit informal okays? Hmm, I chat with Ariani through her Cbox just now. And the way she says it all - Haish. Kesian lahs tgk dier. I can't imagine myself talking to her face to face. I bet I'll see driplets of cleanse water running down the beautiful face of hers. Okay lahs, I admit that I'm crying while writing this post too. I'm being too harsh towards her. That's not the way to show love to someone - at all. I don't know how to say this, but I'm truly sorry. I just can't help the feelings of being jealous and impatient. Well, I did cheered her up - hoping that everything's okay. Yeah, she did. But then, I'm still worried about her. She having a huge phobia in love. And that's really. Haish. I'm not mad, angry or pissed of to see her in that phobia. But like I said, kesian betul aku tgk dia. That's why I'm crying right now. She's suffering in her own heart. I know I should've understood her more. Well I just hope that she knows that I'm still here for her. And to realise that I'm here not only as her bestfriend, but much more than that. Hey, I just wanna let you know - I'll wait even if it'll take months and years. I'm still loving you, so much. =')Labels : I'm gonna make things right. I promise.
2:44 PM
Rock On!
Oh nice! So she's mad about me prefering to lose my memories again. Haha. Hmm, okay. That's how bestie care about each other? I guess she don't understand what's going on at all. Seriously, I'm just tired and tired. Okay, she's hurt, I know. That's why I said. I'm nothing but trouble. Sorry, Bestie. I don't know whats going on with me. But I guess you don't realise a thing or two. Okay, that's enough. Problems with Zico? It's okay, I'll talk to him soon.Labels : Goodbye? Oh, try forgetting me - if you can
11:06 AM
Rock On!
God, you may take my right eye away. I don't want it to be red all my life. Love, I don't wanna talk about it. Friendship, hope they're preserved. Finance, it's critical. Health, I'm afraid. Haish, problems, problems and problems. They are viruses that obstructed my mind and made me think negatively. I can't stand being hurt - physically or by heart. To those reading this, hope that you don't think that I'm refering to you. And I hate to be asked why. Keep asking, and I'll leave you alone instead of you leaving me alone with all these problems. Favour? Stop feeling guilty and blaming yourself. That's the least you can do to help me. Thank you.Labels : I'd prefer losing my memories. Again.
10:38 AM
Rock On!
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Okay, I'm totally pissed off. I'm not updating nor expressing any feelings or thoughts at all. I'll just shut the hell up.Labels : Is it worth the wait?
1:31 PM
Rock On!
Damn, I just got home and there's school in about a few hours time! Okay, I didn't turn up for school because my right eye sore real badly, and it still is! So, I went to Friday prayers, then to D&T at school. Bestie texted me, and you won't be able to imagine how happy I was! So I called her up, draining my prepaid up. There's no use if it's only left with 85 cents! So I just drain it all up. Then my phone hung up as it's prepaid's already dried up! Shit! I rushed to the school's payphone and called her for awhile. So, I guess she was busy doing her housework. So I told her that I'll websms her when I get home. Nope, she said no, and told me to just wait for her to text me. Oh well, so I did my D&T till 5 and went straight off.
On second thought, I decided to head to mom's foodstall to help her in "cocok satay" or whatever it is in english! So, bestie, that's one of the reason I didn't get to websms you. *Smiles! So, I got a call from Alfian saying that he need me to act out being a "Mat-rip". Holy shits! Oh well, rushed home and get changed to look more like those 'Mat' types. Before I left, I took the chance to hack into Abang Sabar's laptop just to get online. I missed bestie so much, but she wasn't online. Oh well, off I go.
So met Alfian and other friends he invited. Mintak orang act jadi Mat-rip, panggil betul nyer Mat-rip! Haiyo! So we acted in Causeway Point's Banquet. Damn it! We kept repeating the scenes to make it perfect, and it's like, jalan cam Mat-rip, not perfect, do all over. It's funny though, and the crowd in Banquet laughed along! Ahaha! Okay, that was fun.
So, sometime later, Bestie texted me and again, I was so damn happy! But then, something occurred which I don't ever wanna write it down here. Whatever it is, to you, Bestie, I forgive you with all my heart! *Cheers! So, I called her up just to make her feel better. And I hope It went well. I was so damn worried about her since the start I was shooting the film in Banquet, wondering when would she text me.
Hmm, the last shooting scene was at Sembawang, a coffee shop somewhere in the area. It all ended at around 0015 hrs, in the morning?! Urgh! When I got to the MRT station, the last train just left. And again, "Urgh!!!" Well, I've got no choice but to make my way from Sembawang to Woodlands - ON FOOT. Fun, yeah?
Hmm, so I read Bestie's blog as soon as I reached home. Found out that she went on phone with her ex. Oh wells, ouch? Haish, I don't know. I'm in no place to stop her from anything. But I was glad that she got along with him. Hmm, yeah. And wells, she's got a real phobia in falling in love. And again, it wouldn't have happened to her if I wasn't around. Bestie, don't stop me from blaming myself okays? It's my fault. =)
So, erm. My advice to you, Bestie. You're gonna need the REAL YOU to bear with all these. Remember, to make things right, someone really has to get hurt. And if he ignores you, some kind of friend he is. Just imagine that you've got the whole world in your hand, and you don't wanna hurt each and everyone. Ask yourself, would you be hurt in the end? Yeah, that's the question. And yeah, about your phobia. I don't know. I'm really, really feeling guilty about it. Perhaps those memories made you that way? I'm really sorry, and I know that's just not enough. I know I owe you alot. Whatever problems you're facing, I'll always be right here for you. Please, never keep secrets from me okays? I'm just thankful enough that you took me fully in this friendship. I was hurt about your act, but I cared about you more. And when you're perfectly okay, I'm more than that. I love you, Bestie! =)
Labels : Help, I'm still heartbroken.
1:39 AM
Rock On!
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Okay, today's school was kinda great! The school commemorated Racial Harmony Day with students wearing traditional costumes! Except that it's not that exciting compared to last year, when there's alot of selected students with the most fashionable costumes to be invited up on stage. Oh well, surprisingly, I was the hotstuff there. Oh my gawd!
First thing in the morning, I reached school and went straight into the toilet to get changed. Then I looked at myself in the mirror again. Damn I'm hot! Ahahaha! So, yeah. Waited for Rid to reach school and to get himself changed. So as the both of us went out of the toilet and heading to the Parade Square for assembly, Few of these girls called me up and were like, "Woo!! Abang Khai! Power uh!" Erm, okay. Haha! That really brought up my spirit. So yeah, I smiled throughout the whole day!
During recess time, I'm kinda feeling odd because, as how it seemed, I'm the only MALAY guy in Songkok, with a brooch attatched to it. Oh shit, everyone's looking at me! *Blushes! Fathiah saw me and were like, "Eh Khai! Hawt lah!" Whoo! Another fan! Huahaha! Okay, I should stop. So I tried continuing my recess as normal - eating my foods and stuffs. Except that I had to keep looking down. Everyone's looking at me. Shits!
After recess, we headed to Mother Tongue class but we ain't having any lessons cause 'O' levels for that subject is done and over! Yahoo! Anyways, while on our way to classroom, few of other girls dragged me to one side and took photos with me. "Gosh! One by one okay?!" Err, let's just act innocent okays? Teehee!
So, we took some photos in Malay lesson. Here they are :
Atiqah in blue an Helena in yellow Ci Pao. Candid photo taken by me!
Kanak-kanak terencat. Tsktsktsk.
Fadlin (Cupak Hanyut). Step cute, or is he?
Oops?!
So, yeah. There they are. So assembly was really short and plain. There's only performance by Polytechnic students on Traditional Musical Instruments and short price presentation for the most fashionable class. Seriously, its not exciting at all. Who the hell planned this event?!
Anyways, after assembly, more photos! Here :
Okay, actually they are only photos of my and Joycelyn. Sorry! The rest of them are in other cameras. Hehe!
P.S : Am I really hot?! =/
8:12 PM
Rock On!
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
9:33 PM
Rock On!
It's so beautiful! Me and Bestie are okay now. Gosh, I could feel the pain she's been bearing all by herself since the day before yesterday! Well, last night I really, really don't feel good at all. I kept thinking about her even while doing my work at Mom's food stall. Well, I waited for 2130 hrs to come cause that's the time when her parents were asleep. So as that time came, I texted Bestie by just saying hello. So, yeah. She replied, and I asked if I'm able to call her right at that moment. Well, she said that I won't like the way I sound. Why? Cause she's been crying from moments ago! Oh shits! I grabbed my coins and rushed down to the payphone and called her up!
Okay, she was crying. But still, it's her sweetest voice that I wanna hear. Damn, it touched my heart hearing her sound in that manner. I comfort her and stuffs. And I apologised to her for leaving just like that. And I just can't help it. I'm really in need of someone like her in my life. Yeah, she's still having half of my heart. That goes the same to me having hers. So we talked about it, and here we are now - together like before. I love you, Bestie!
Well, today's school was kinda funny though. I had my D&T lesson for 2 hrs from the start, then had English, when I had to stay back to complete the summary writing, then had only 5 minutes of recess, and then free period cause Miss Anna Low wasn't around. So yeah. But my friends kept saying to me that my eyes were red. Ouh shoots! Greatness! I've got sore eyes! Yeay! I went to the office to get the Early Departure form, and went to look for Mr Trevor. God dammit! Where the heck was he?! I searched around the whole school looking for him, and he wasn't there. Oh wells, I just asked the clerk in the office to call up my dad, and the HOD to sign the form. So, I went out of school with that "YIPPEE!" attitude.
Shits all over my faces. Such an embarrassment! I headed to the optic shop in SunPlaza to buy myself a new pair of contact lenses. But then, the optician said that my eyes were red and I can't wear. Holy shits! I didn't thought of that! Argh! Khai beloh! So, yeah. I just headed home then.
So, as I reached home, I waited for Bestie to call, which is one of the reason I didn't turn up for D&T lesson after school. But then, few of her guy friends came over to her house. For what, I don't know. Well, yeah. I waited for her call. But she didn't. Her friends were still there. She was kinda busy I guess, so I tried my best not to be a burden. Then she texted me saying that she's bored. So I suggested if she wants me to call her phone. Nope, her brother's home! Urgh! Okay, my heart ached somehow. I should've gone to D&T lesson with sore eyes. Oh wells, we didn't talked much when we met in habbo just now. I knew she's busy. So, yeah. That's it. Haish.
Anyways, I'm gonna wear traditional costumes to school! And hell yeah! I'm gonna look my best for my last year in this lame school! Huahaha! Okay, I've customised my black Baju Kurung to make it look skinnier - trimmed the sleeves and the body. So as I tried it on just now, gosh! I can see my body shape! Oh no! Then I rushed to the mirror and stared at myself. Well, It's not so bad afterall! I AM hot! Huahaha! (AS IF!)
So this is how my shirt roughly looks like.
And this, are how I'm gonna look like. (Without Songkok)
4:59 PM
Rock On!
Monday, July 16, 2007
Hmm, I didn't sleep last night at all. I just cried all my tears off. Most parts of me can't seem to accept the fate, while the rest, they're there to keep me strong and alive. I have to admit that I'm missing Bestie so much. She's "Love at first sight". Well, I've gotta be frank that I regretted on doing this, totally. I just want her back. But then again, I just don't wanna hurt her anymore. As you all know, I'm the type of person who hurts himself just for the sake of his love's happiness. Bestie still represents "Love" to me. I smiled widely into tears as I look into her pictures, and that most precious gift she gave me - the Half-Heart necklace. It's encraved with her name, and reminds me more about our 3rd month anniversary. Haish, I just wish I could have her back.
She texted me yesterday night just to see if I'm available with my phone. Well, I am. But, I don't know if I should reply, cause I'm just afraid if another argument like days before would come up. So I left my phone there. Few moments later, second thoughts came into my mind. Damn, I'm missing her so much! So, I ran back into my room and grabbed my phone. With heartbeats and courage, I called her up. She answered with that sweet and cheerful voice of hers. Oh my gawd! I went into tears! She sounded so happy that I called her up! It really made me shatter to pieces. But then, I've gotta do what I've gotta do. I told her to take care of herself, and that she's been a really great friend to me. As a matter of fact, she's indeed the greatest. I shed into tears, not wanting to let her go. But, I've got no choice. I told her to go to sleep, and said goodbye. Letting her go by sight, not by heart.
That was .. the last time I'm hearing her voice. I sat on my bed and stared on the wall. My mind kept playing back all those moments I've spent with her. It's like, I'm watching a love movie. How touching. The laughter, the kisses, the cuddles. We did lived happily together. But now .. haish. I don't know what to do. I really need Bestie back. I just can't live without her! I regretted what I've done. I'm putting myself into a paper shredder, tearing myself apart. Yeah, I am totally heartbroken. Bestie, I'm sorry! ='(
Well, I forced myself to go to school. I've got no more energy from last night's tears. I can't focus on everything. Got lotsa candies from my friends just to keep myself awake. And worst still, I didn't eat during recess cause I didn't bring any money! Urgh!Stayed in school after curriculum time and waited for the 'O' levels MT listening comprehension. We reported in class at 1600 hrs. So we got ready and expect the exam to commence in a half hour. So, it was 1630 hrs. Then, the radio announced that the exam commences at 5pm! Urgh! The whole class were really pissed off! Everyone of us layed their heads on the desk and slept. That would most probably be me of course. I didn't sleep the whole night! So, yeah. The exam started till 1730 and we all headed home. And as for me, I rushed home and read Bestie's blog. Haish.P.S. : It's just nearly one day, and I can't even take it any longer... ='(
6:29 PM
Rock On!
Sunday, July 15, 2007
So god gave me this life, and I'm going through it all by myself. Negatives here and there. I just can't seem to get them out of my way. And I don't know why. This month could be the most unlucky month I've ever had. I lost my love, my bestfriends splitted up, and ... I won't be able to contact Bestie anymore. Oh wells, I don't know if I should be talking about her again. Oh what the heck.
Kakak Zilah needed her phone back. So I only have my SIM card with me. Yesterday night was the only and last time I got to talk with Bestie. Well, unfortunately it didn't go well. The last moment we talk was the last moment we argued. Well, I just calm myself down and kept helping her out with her issues about her family. That's what bestfriends are for, right? Some parts of what I said did hurt her. And that's really awful. Of course, I'm hurt too by her changing character deep inside her. Talked about it though. And I thought of getting firm with her just to make her realise. And so I did. Sorry, Bestie.
Well, I've decided. That night was the last time we talked not only because of me not having my phone, but ... I guess I should stop all these. I don't wanna hurt Bestie anymore. Since the start we met till now, I am nothing but trouble. Like what her dad told me, "If you don't get to know her from the beginning, none of these would've happened!" Everynight, that phrase came into my mind. And to think about it, it's really hard for me to decide. Bestie need me, but at the same time, she's always hurt. It's really hard to say goodbye. So I didn't. BUT, I still left, wishing her goodluck with her life. And I know we'll meet together again, someday. Well, it's hard for me to say this. But I've always been sacrificing myself for her own sake. That'll be because - I'm still deeply in love with her. But, honestly, I don't even know if she feels the same way. So, yeah. Its hurtful for me.
It's my last sacrifice - to let her move on with her own life. Yes, I promised her on not to leave her. But like I said, I'm nothing but trouble. So I've gotta do what I've gotta do. It's hard. But wishing that she'll finally realise how much I felt about her, I'll still wait. That's the least I could do to fulfill my promise for her. Well, there might be other guys out there, better than me. They might be able to replace me. I'll still be waiting for her to come back to me. But If she's got a better guy, then I'll wish her good luck in her new relationship? So, yeah. She's free. But, whatever her decision is, the both of us still has half of each others' hearts. So ... Haish. I don't know what else to say. This could be the end. I might not be ready to close this Love Storybook, but then again, I've gotta do what I've gotta do. I hope she won't forget whatever things I told her about. Those words really taught her heart. They are the only words that could change her into a better person.
And as for me, I think I'm having a life of my own, half of my heart missing. I'll swore never to have any relationships again - IF she don't come back to me. It's fate, there's nothing I can do about it. I could just hope. And the rest of it, I'll leave them all up to her decisions. Well, I hope this phrase could do us great, "Till death do us apart."
Please, take good care of yourself.
1:29 PM
Rock On!
Saturday, July 14, 2007
I'm ruined. Everything I hope for is gone. I'm just plain and alone right now. I've just got no one to talk to. Conflicts here and there. Egoistics inside him and her. They just don't make sense! What the hell! I'm in a middle of a conflict! For god sake! When the hell are you guys gonna stop?! Just because of a tiny bit of salt in a tea could end the world like a total destruction. What on earth is wrong with you people?!
Let's start from the very top. When I lost my memory, bestfriends had conflicts with each other. Two groups splitted up. The band was almost dead. How painful is that? I just acted stupid. I don't wanna get involve or I'd just go mad. I purposely got along with each and everyone of them. Yeah, purposely. I'm the middle person now, right?
Next, This group of my bestfriends whom I always got along with, had another conflict. Bestie got mad with bestie because of her sins. Bestie thinks that bestie is a slut. And bestie told another bestie about it. But I just kept quiet. I never wanna side anyone. So, I'm the middle party, again.
Lastly, bestie became mad with the other bestie for siding the slut bestie. Then, bestie said to bestie not to call the slut bestie names and names. Bestie got mad, and conflict occurs. With all the pain in my heart, I tried keeping quiet. Still, I'm that middle party.
I'm sure none of you understand what the hell am I saying. If so, that means none of these refers to you. And since it doesn't, you're not involved. And since you're not, you've got no right to ask. I admit that I'm being kindda harsh. But beloved bestfriends, you guys are just argueing because you aren't understanding each other. It's painful, you know that? I kept myself silent simply because what you people are argueing about doesn't make any sense! It's just childish, okay? One of my bestie cried because the other bestie was siding the slut bestie. So what?! Aren't there any form of "Understanding feelings" here?! What kind of friends are you people?!
Look, I don't wanna talk much. And I don't wanna talk. Beloved bestfriends, I'm sorry if you realised I'm keeping quiet these days. Don't you dare ask why. I'm sick and tired of all these bullshits. Your conflict, your problem. I ain't helping because I just don't get what you guys want. One of you surrendered yourself, thank you. Give and take, that's my type of friends. The rest, forget about talking to me. Think about it, and you're free to call me up.
4:51 PM
Rock On!
Okay, thought of blogging in first before I'm off to school. Right now, I'm really worried about Bestie. She's been sick lately, and kept on having a huge headache. I told her have at least a glass of water and did selawat on it, which I hope she did so. Well, I just wish I could take care of her. She didn't replied my last msg yesterday, so I assumed that she must've gone to sleep.Now this morning, I signed into MSN from Abang Sabar's comp, and I saw her online. Wow, early in the morning. I was waiting for her to text me as I'm getting really, really worried. But she didn't. So I told her on MSN that I'm going off to school already, and told her to text me. But she didn't. Something's wrong?Well, I texted her by myself, asking her what's wrong. She didn't reply. I called her up to check on her, she didn't answer the call. Oh gosh, what's going on?! =(
8:27 AM
Rock On!
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Well, I'm really glad everything's back to normal now. Perhaps better than ever. Me and Bestie admitted to each other that both were at fault. And yeah, bestfriends shouldn't be argueing. I'm proud of myself for being one of the best friends she've ever had, probably the best there is. And I'm really glad to be one. Well, we texted each other as usual after my Maths class at 1515 hours. As I reached home, she then called my phone in favour to teach her on singing once again. Gosh! I miss that moment! Haha!
Well, I don't think I did well in teaching her on singing. I don't feel well just now. My body's aching because of playing badminton, using the whole of the school's Parade Square. Tiring, but fun. Anyways, Bestie sang Rihanna and Christina Aguilera's songs. She sang quite well, but could be better with practice! Huhu! The best part was, I didn't really taught her on singing, but I kindda make fun of her instead. I mean, I kept making jokes about her. And hell! She could even laugh like crazy when those jokes are god damned lame! Ahaha! Well, I'm planning to go on the phone with her tommorrow just to teach her on singing again! Yeay!
So, as for you, my Bestie. Thank you so much for being there for me when I needed you. I'm sorry once again for hurting you yesterday night. We're always best friends, right? Oh, and thank you so much for entertaining me! For a girl of your kind, you're not bad at all. I'm glad to have a friend like you, and to be your best friend. Take care, Bestie! Good night!
10:11 PM
Rock On!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
It's past 3 AM now, and I still can't sleep. I'm afraid that I'll get sleepy in school later on. I've only less than 3 hours of rest before I go off to school! But heck, right now things are bothering me. I can't help myself to sleep, but I cried and flood tears instead.
I wanna know, what's the thing that's changing me? What's that little thing that you seem to be displeased about me? The past few days, things got really lovely. Bestfirends are like lovers. They're there for each other, and secretly in love with each other. But what going on right now? Why are all these happening? We are even argueing in friendship rather than relationship? I don't understand. Hadn't I always been there for you? Could you even tell me every single moment whereby I'm NOT even there when you need me? Rather than being hurt, I'm more into being terrified! Cause why? I've lost you in being in a relationship. I've failed you. But we're argueing in friendship! Don't you think something's really, REALLY wrong?! You said it yourself, "I feel like I don't know you." Think about it. Do you even know yourself? Before that, have you ever been thankful that I had my effort in cheering you up? Did I ask you anything on return? Oh, wait. Yes I do, that would be turning your own life to happiness? And its your happiness, not mine. But I've gotta be frank that I'm gonna enjoy myself seeing you happy.
Look, I don't wanna be mad at you. Even if I do, it would be clear enough to make you realise things. You were that girl I first met a few days ago. But what's happening now? I'm sorry if I hadn't helped you enough previously, but that doesn't mean that I don't care. Your relataives have been complaining that you've changed. I don't believed them at first till I see through you myself. I'm sorry, but I guess there's alot of things we have to face. But whatever it is, I'm still that bestfriend of yours. And I'm really willing to be more than that. I've always been there for you. I even called you up just to make you smile before you go to bed. Yes, I am hurt, but I won't ever leave you, cause I know you're really stressing up with stuffs. You should've realised that I'm the one to give in everytime we argued. Reason is, I don't want you to get hurt further. I even acted like everything's okay, when its not. Do you even know that? That amount of sacrifice I've made for you? And like I said, I didn't ask anything in return. Just your happiness.
Well, like you said just now, you felt that you didn't know me. Perhaps I'm at fault for hurting you. And I'm sorry. But please, I don't want this best friendship to end. It really brought back memories when I first met you. And I don't wanna forget those memories, neither would I wanna leave my best friend behind. So, bestie. Please, think about it.
11:29 PM
Rock On!
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Whew! Just went on the phone with Ariani! Gawd! It feels like hearing this sweetest voice for the first time! She said, "Suara kau cute lah!" and I said, "Klakar lah suara kau! Tapi cute jgk." Aww! Ahaha! Well, it's actually rather uncomfortable holding the phone, the payphone! Yeah, I called her up in the void deck and stood there all the way! Nah, it won't bother me much. As long as I got to hear her voice again. *Melts!
School's today was nothing much, but had my D&T practical after school. And goodness gracious! I didn't even see most of my friends after school! It's just Muhaimin, Firdaus-Faggot, Jia Kai and this indian-muslim boy whom I fogot his name. Well, Ariani texted me since the start of my D&T practical, and it's so sweet of her to do so. It's more than just what bestfriends would do! Well, talked about some things while working on my artefact. And erm, we texted all the way till I made my way home? Haha! Yeah, that's it. Well, she's gotta go since her dad has already came home on that moment. That's when I began to miss her alot! Awwness!
Unfortunately, something showed me that life isn't a thing to waste. Some moments after Ariani's last text, I walked crossing the road near the taxi stand, somewhere outside Causeway Point's bank. Yeah, and there came a speeding red Mazda. Perhaps a Mazda 6 or something. Techno music blasted from the inside. Doesn't the driver got anything to do in the world? And holy shit! That car sped towards me! I'm that lucky bastard who only had his schoolbag hit my the car's side mirror. Double U-Tee-Age! I would've thrown a piece of stone or something (if there's any) at the car! What made me blood-boiled was that, the car's windscreen had black tint, and I was too late to memorise the license plate. Urgh! Well, there's nothing I could do about it. I wished I could text Ariani right on that instance to tell her what happened, but to think about it again, her dad's home. Oh well, I just headed home.
Ariani finally texted me again at night and talked things out again. Wow, she really made me smile! Well, yeah. I guess she must be bored just lying down on her bed and texting me. So I decided to call her up. And there we were, talking on the phone!
Well, there are things in life I gotta treasure, but still, she's the only person I treasure the most. Although we're not together anymore, she's still that brightest star shining in the night's sky, shining herself to my eyes everytime I look up. Sometimes, it feels kindda fun when we acted to be just bestfriends, and can't fall in love. But at the same time, it does hurts us alot. Maybe she knows that I'm still in love with her, maybe not? Whatever the fact is, we could only act like bestfriends, and assume that nothing more's between us. She is one of my ex-girlfriend. But she's the best there is. And she's still someone whom I call 'Love'.
11:16 PM
Rock On!
Monday, July 09, 2007
Great! I'm back home and updating! I had MT oral just now. And holy shit! It's the real 'O' level thinging! Well, I sat on the reading table for 5 minutes and started reading. The passage is about people having lung cancer or somethings like that? Or maybe it about heart attack? Whatever it is, the passage was quite simple to read. Doesn't make me gagap for abit. Went into the Cyber Lab for the face-off with the invigilators. "Slamat pagi, cikgu!" and started reading. Blablabla, and then came the conversation part. "Ceritakan tentang pengalaman kamu apabila kamu menghidap sesuatu penyakit." I went like, "huh?!" That's it?! 'O' levels were easier than I thought! I answered with that pathetic, yet charming grin on my face. Almost said about having chicken-pox, but how do I translate that in malay?! Anyone?! Pushed that aside, just spitted out saying that I had high-fever when I was young, and being "Mengada-ngada". Whee! Asked with two more SIMPLE questions and went off. Yahee!! No wonder Fadlin and Sharifah were smiling since they left the face-off in the quarantine area! Oh well!
Brought my ass out off school at around 1545 hrs and headed straight home. Ouh yeah, some of the malay dancers called me up and were like, "Nak autograph?!" And I shouted back, "Hah?! Ah, tkper! Takyah! Thank you!" Let's drag this up in malay shall we? Mentang-mentang gambar dorg ada pat suratkhabar dah mengada-ngada! I'm not pissing them off or anything, but the school's being proud of them, they should too for their achievements. Not for popularity. I'd say that they are rather being complacent, no offense but my warning to you - NPCC used to be too complacent about their achievements. But look at them now? They're dying! So my words to you, beloved malay dancers. Just don't be like us. Be proud, but not too proud. Okays? You girls are still beloved ones and that's why I kept smiling to all of you. But don't allow the school to turn their faces away from you. That's so unlikely. Good luck for your next years, alright?
Well, yesterday too was a big day for me. Ariani texted me before I left for library. Oh yeah! I was so god damned happy! I then replied her through websms and talked as besties. Well, somehow I could feel that she's having a problem with herself. But oh well, being respectful enough, I'll just wait for her to tell me by herself once she's comfortable with the time. So, I left to Woodlands MRT station and met Muna and Izzudin (Muna's bro). She paid me 20 bucks for that Saturday's kendarat, and I happily spent it on Sturhub Top-up Card. Huhuhu! Yeay! Yeah, after all that, I went to the library to do my self-studying. Alex-tinggi came and really put me to a sudden shock. You know sudden shock? That "Oh mak kau!" kindda reaction? Yeah, sat infront of me till 1930hrs, the time that I left him alone. Huahaha! So, I went to kedai mama's Net Cafe to went online in MSN. Gosh, How I miss those people there! The thing is, I purposely went online just to wait for Ariani. Sad thing when she didn't, but she texted me again that night. Whee! Whoops! Hope she doesn't know! Hehe!
I tried to be abit romantic by saying that the stars are beautiful. But to think about it again, we're just bestfriends. It's not wrong to say such things to bestfriends, is it? But I know the intention of saying it must be .. Erm, not quite there? Well, whatever it is, I kept on texting her cause she needed someone to talk to. And we played True or Dare! Haha! We asked stupid questions to each other and somehow, those questions are like .. So obvious? Like "Who are you missing right this instance?" or "If you fell in love with someone, who would that be?" Haha! Well, I think the both of us were like, trying our best not to tell the other that we still love them. And so, she felt sleepy, and there she goes.
Everytime her name appears in my phone, my heart went unusual. It's like, I'm deeply inlove with someone new, and being so afraid to tell her. And it's like, her facial expressions says that she's not prepared for a relationship. Know those kindda stuff? Oh well, it's really time for me to respect girls like her for now. And all I've gotta do is wait. Still, on the other hand, my heart came craving for her prescence, like it's lost its love forever. Everynight I can't sleep while lying on my bed, and I had to shed tears thinking about her, in order to go to sleep. Everynight I wore the necklace around my neck on bed, and held the pendant in my hands and prayed to god to give her back to me. She's still having half of my heart, and I'm having hers. Funny thing is, we both can't survive without each other, but we acted like normal friends when we talk. Till then, I just wish for that star to grant me that wish.
4:32 PM
Rock On!
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Okay, its almost 2400 hrs, and I just got back home. Really exhausted here, but still updating! Huhu! Well, I started my day in a pissful manner, whereby my MSN got really, really, screwed up! It's closed the window all by itself after I kept opening it! That same goes to my Windows Messenger. How the hell, am I gonna go online?! Sheesh! Anyways, I just edited another of my picture in those "Vector" kindda style. The picture above is an example. See that? See that? Yeah, that's it. But I've not uploaded it here yet. Soon okays?
I dressed up in my black hot Baju Kurung for Muna's kendarat. And again, it's been a long time since I've put on my eyeliner. So my eyes are like killing me! Argh! Wore my shades and got out like an idiot, sort of. Reached Woodlands MRT station and waited there for a half hour! Damn it! I only met Muhaimin and Aisyah then, but I've yet to see Rid. He said he just got out from home. Oh well, we decided to move on to Muna's invitation after all.
Cut it short, Rid and all of us were finally there and we started working after we had our meals. Hell yeah, souvenir pens and lollipops are placed in a really long black sling bag and we're supposed to walk around and distributing those to visitors, carrying that bag?! We looked like a few Candymen in a wedding invitation! Oh well, I just held the bag on my arms so it'll look more "sopan" to the visitors' eyes. A few moments later, I really don't feel so good. It feels like there's an animal in my tummy that kept kicking here and there! Ouh yeah, I'm bloated! I walked around trying to act as if everything's okay, while it's not at all. I became more and more nauseous though, so I went to the portable toilet when I couldn't take it anymore. Before I could get in, there's this one old man who kept talking to me - the wedding feast and stuffs. He told me about himself being an NPCC commander in his early days. Wow, that really impressed me. But holy shit! I need to go to the toilet already! And the old man just keep talking! When I'm done entertaining him, I rushed into the toilet and ... it's god damn dirty in there, which made me more nauseous! Okay, that's sort of what I really needed, and so I vomitted all the foods out. Bleargh! Disgusting talk am I?
Washed my mouth and went to have a rest on a bench somewhere in the nearby playground. Wah, sedapnyer tido! I woke up, fresh! Grabbed the lame sling bag and distributed the souvenirs again, with a grin on my water-face. Woo! I do felt better! The thing that really pissed me off was that, I was sure that I've distributed the souvenirs to everyone, that includes the kids whom I gave them sweets. But there's just these few customers who can't help themselves from being greedy. Some even complained to Muna's parents that they didn't get any. (Boleh mati kepe tak dapat berkat?!) And when Muna's mom called me over, the visitor will be like, "Oh takpe2! Kita dah dapat dah!" When I've no longer had that patience in myself, I would've thrown that "Candymen's" sling bag on them. Good for nothing greedy assholes. Furthermore, that's the mother who's complaining about it. No sense of shame at all.
It's almost mahgrib so Muna, Rid and me went to somewhere to have another break. Muna took a cigarrette and puffed. I purposely went of and sat on the railing cause I just can't stand the smell. Come on guys, don't even think that I'm kental. Think about it. Aindinna and Izzudin tagged along and smoked. Then, Rid puffed on the cigarrette to. Oh my god, the whole group just blew my mind. I'm just surrounded by smokers! Hahaha! Oh well, then we went to Northplaza (or whatever the place's called) cause Muna and Rid wanna buy some foods and drinks for themselves. "Padahal pat majlis kan leh makan minum? Asal korg nk beli pat kedai plak?" That's what I kept asking them, but I've yet to have any answers .. I think. Rid bought for me contact lense solution for only $1.50! And its a huge bottle! Woohoo! Finally I've got something to clean it up or there'll be more taik mata here and there. Haha!
The rest of the night, I could say that I was still hyperactive in distributing the souvenirs. Bad to worst, there were more visitors who were like so "Mengada-ngada". Layankan jelah!
In the end, as the event ended we cleaned up the whole area and blablabla. Lotsa stuffs. We finally had our berkat and went off home. Whee! Muna sent the rest of us to the bustop and waited there. We laughed alot actually, especially when I kept myself silent and joke out suddenly. Of course, kekek lah kita! And hell yeah! I'm me again! Woohoo! So, bus 911 arrived,headed straight home and lived happily ever after!
Hmm, so here I am again, updating for the day. The truth is, some moments of the day, I almost cried myself out. My soul felt uneasy as so to speak. Indeed, I am missing someone. That someone who've given me love for about 5 months or more. But she's .. gone. There's no way that I could contact her. This feeling of missing and loving her grew stronger, or even stronger than the times I was still with her. She'll come back to me, I know that. Cause she promised so. Well, this is the first time I've never spoken to someone I fell in love with so deeply, for a day. And it's really painful if you were to ask me.
And to that someone, I just wish to let you know what I'm feeling right now. And I wish to say this to you once more, "I love you, Ariani" Good night.
11:53 PM
Rock On!
Friday, July 06, 2007
Well, here I am, writing this post with a broken heart and dripping tears. I didn't expect things like this would happen. This is the biggest heartbreak I've ever had in my entire life. But still, I'm that same kindda person I used to be. It's just that I won't be as happy as before.
My school had Green Olympiad right after friday prayers. That means, the primary school students are gonna come over. I just thought about that after prayers! I was hoping Ariani would come over as well. I was supposed to have my D&T during that event. So I kept walking out of the workshop just to hope I could see her in my school or something. I tend to get nervous when Woodlands Primary was there! Well, when they came down to the foyer, I found out that Ariani's wasn't there. They're just like students of primary 4 or 5. How I missed her so much.
I suddenly had this huge, negative feeling inside me when the event was just about to end. Something told me to head straight home, but I was too tired to do so! For god sake! I took a nap on the bench infront of the AVA room, and had a bad dream about Ariani. As I woke up, I told my friends that I'm going home, and so there I went.
As I reached home, I went straight to the comp and tried going online but the internet screwed up! Urgh! Restarted the comp and tried going online again. And there she was! But she then suddenly went offline, which really threw me off. Oh well, I then recieved an email from her, saying about SOME things. Well, the point here - Our relationship needs to end right away. I smiled, giggled, and cried in the end. Insane am I? That's because I couldn't believe what I just read. Seriously! I went like, "Hahs, what?! ='\"
The news she gave me was, she almost got beaten up by her dad, and then she held the holy book of Qur'an and swore not to do stuffs like "These" again. That includes never to have a relationship with me too. She could lie to her dad, but not to god. And that's really, whoah.
She went back online and we talked things out. I just cried all the way.But I'm just satisfied that we broke up not because of our dead love, but because we were forced to. Well, we're friends now. And I hope we'll become bestfriends like before, if she's still comfortable with that. And the greatest thing was, she's willing to wait for the time to come for us to get back together again. And of course, I promised to her that I'll always be waiting for her. I still do love her, and still - only death would do us apart. Maybe fate seperate the both of us? Or fate is just trying to warn me that this isn't the right time. Whatever it is, I'll wait.
*A beautiful love story : 290107 - 0600707*
6:23 PM
Rock On!
Thursday, July 05, 2007
I'm totally confused. Maybe pissed off too. What the hell have I done wrong? Or is it because I'm too wrong? Things went really, really awful today. And I can say, so far it's been the worst day of my life. To get straight into the point, I honestly don't know what's gonna happen to me and Darling. Things turn out to be bad to worse everytime. I'm here to let out everything. So just close your ears, I'll get noisy. I'm sorry if you won't be able to understand a thing I'm gonna say.
I rushed back home from school at 1500 hrs just to get in touch with Darling in MSN. I knew she've been waiting for so long, and I used all of my energy just to run home. I went online, and there she was. Felt so happy and I talked to her. I've been expecting her to email me about yesterday's problem but she didn't. Then I just asked her myself. What made me real blood-boiled was that she told me she forgot it. What the hell! I cried myself to sleep yesterday, can't even focus on my lessons in school just now, and when I ran back home to know about it, she simply just said she forgot it?! Argh! For that dozen-th time, I relaxed myself just to avoid us from any arguements, cause I'm really sick and tired of that. So I acted like everything's okay, and cheered her up. She then said that her DM scolded her and her friends about creating a friendster group called "Boo-bs society" or something like that? Okay, the teachers are kindda not making sense here. Don't they even respect their students' privacy? She also said that her friends and her went to counseling about this matter. So for being concern, I asked what did they talk about there. And she was like, "Kita cakap uh it's not fair, blablabla. Do you need to know? =.=" I went like, what on earth..? She used to tell me all of her problems, even those private stuffs. She won't be shy, cause she knew I was there for her. But right now, it's no longer like that! Someone tell me why! Haish, and again, I cooled myself down and cheered her up.I'm lazy to tell everything in detail. Cut it short. We webcam-ed and saw each other. How sweet she was! That really cheered her up I guess. Suddenly her form teacher called me, thinking that I'm Darling's dad. Holy shit! I just don't know what to do! I just acted that my prepaid's really low, and went off suddenly. Darling said she was crying, heck I don't even know what's going on! Haish, then she said that her teacher was so pissed off, and I don't know why. Darling said that the guy he called was my brother. Damn, I don't know what else to say. But what I know, the both of us are in deep trouble. She told me to off my phone, and so I did.Darling : "YOU MIGHT WANNA TAKE BACK YOUR WORDS BECAUSE MY DAD JUST CALLED, AND THAT I'M GONNA GET A GOOD SCOLDING TODAY. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. GOODBYE."What the hell!! She suddenly said all those to me. How could my heart not shatter to pieces? Okay, I understand that she's having issues right now. But I was just trying to help. She then bid her last goodbye and "I love you", and went off.Right now I'm sitting here and writing out everything. Darling, I'm sorry if what I'm gonna write really hurts you. But this is what I've been feeling. I don't know what's gonna happen to us, and I don't know how this thing started. Every night I cried myself to sleep, thinking about you and the both of us. And every night I thought about that change in you. I felt so uneasy, what have you become? You became more grumpy, rather than telling me what's going on. Yes, you wouldn't tell me what's your problem. Unlike the last time, you even told me about what your friends said, what conflict you had with them. It's supposed to be girls' talk, but you're always comfortable telling those to me. But what about right now? What about that trust you used to have towards me? You get upset if I don't trust you, but do you even trust me? We're supposed to be there for each other, we even promised not to hide things in our hearts.I saved all of our conversation history right since the first time we met in MSN up till now. Sayang, I really shed tears reading all those, do you know that? I just miss the way you talk to me, the way you shower me with love, and the way you gave me that kiss on MSN. The moments we talked on the phone, the moments I taught you how to sing, and invited you to my band in the end. I just miss the old you. What on earth turned you into this? Where's my sweet Ariani? Where's my lovely Darling? I need her back, seriously. I know you're facing lots and lots of problems right now. But as how you were before, that crazy Ariani, you just put them aside and let them settle own its own. And the problems that involves you, you just wanna settle them straight away. Right now, I just wanna tell you that I've been keeping thoughts and bruises in my heart. I'm not complaining. I'm just telling what I'm feeling. Nowadays, even by me doing that makes u rather uncomfortable. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's what you look like. I'm sorry for everything, sayang. I still love you as much, and I've been craving for that amount of love in return, as you were before, you gave me even more love. If I've been creating lots of troubles to you, you're free to leave me, but I'll always be waiting.I won't say more. You should know how it's like when you're the old Ariani. I'm not asking for much. And like I said, I'll always be waiting. So take your time. I'll pray for the best of you and the both of us to last longer, or even forever. Till death do us apart, and may love keep us together.
7:53 PM
Rock On!
